The Red Letters

Point Arena, CA

Before 2010, I was a depressed young girl with very little hope in the world. I grew up with working middle class parents, great friends, excelled in a sport every season of the year, did well in school, always had food on the table, clothes on my back, and a roof over my head. My childhood wasn’t perfect, but from the outside looking in, I had it all. Yet, I wanted none of it. I would sit by a lake in the woods across the street from my front yard and stare at the stillness of nature. The wind was soft, the leaves on the trees would slowly dance, and rocks would just be rocks and not move, which was great. I wished that life would move this slowly, and sometimes still do.

Words are hard for me, but not when I write them down. Poetry became a thing I attempted. One of my last poems I wrote at that time in life was to God. I didn’t know God, I thought He was a made up being that helped people feel better about their unfortunate lives, or just some form of odd government. Either way, I wrote to Him. I begged Him to help me believe in Him if He was actually real. I asked Him to give me hope and faith because it was a very dark place to not have any. I entitled it, “Help me Believe” and that is exactly what He did.

Fast-forward to today, and conviction hits me in the face. Lately, I have been forgetting that God simply asks us to believe. Jesus’ direct words, recorded by His disciples, state to many people, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.” These people didn’t say a fancy prayer, go through confirmation, get baptized in the creek, put on their pretty dress, feed 1000 hungry mouths, donate all of their money, lalala, all before they came to him. They had faith, and He saw it, declared it made them well, and said to go in peace. (Mark 5:34, Mark 10:52 , Luke 17:19)

It is then in the Bible that we read it was the JOY set before Him to be beaten, whipped, stabbed, mocked, NAILED to a cross, and killed all to create open access for us to approach our Heavenly Father’s throne of Grace. (Hebrews 12:1-2) He did this knowing so many people would still reject Him, mock Him, and want nothing to do with His unfailing love. That was me before I asked Him to help my unbelief, and I wasn’t the first to do so. (Mark 9: 23-24)

I could go on and on about my story and His coming together, but mainly I wanted to write about this conviction I’ve been having. Yes, initially, beginning a relationship with Jesus starts with faith. THAT’S IT. Faith. But even in our (successful) Earthly relationships we continue to grow in friendship, intimacy, and reverence as time progresses.

I feel, now, as a follower of Christ I haven’t actually been following what He says to do. I want to point fingers at the Church in America that seems to preach comfort and grace alone, and makes Jesus super fluffy and welcoming so that all will want a piece of that pie. But really, I have a Bible, two eyes, and the capacity to read. So please follow me in this if you wish, the words of Jesus are clear if you are to be his disciple (student, follower..etc.) :

Matthew 10:37-39

“Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.”

Matthew 18:3-5

“Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me,”

John 21:17

“The third time he said to him, ‘Simon son of John, do you love me?’ Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, ‘Do you love me?’ He said, ‘Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.’ Jesus said, ‘Feed my sheep.’”

Luke 12:33

“Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will never fail, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys.”

Matthew 28:18-20

“All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”

Luke 9:23

“Then he said to the crowd, ‘If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross daily, and follow me.’”

Matthew 22:36-39

“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”

Matthew 19:29

“And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or lands, for my name’s sake, will receive a hundredfold and will inherit eternal life."

Luke 6: 27-31

“But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you. To one who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also, and from one who takes away your cloak do not withhold your tunic either. Give to everyone who begs from you, and from one who takes away your goods do not demand them back. And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.”

Nowhere do I find Jesus saying to store up treasures on Earth and get as much for yourself as you can--stay comfortable.

No, instead there is a common theme of denying selfish ways, humbling yourself, serving, and loving others. Not in vain, but for the sake of Christ. Why would I want to do this? Because Jesus thought I was worth dying for, so I think He is worth living for. The same opportunity to follow Jesus is there for you, my pretty reader friend. All it requires is faith. There is abundant love, grace, and mercy. But, there is also abundant sacrifice, and suffering that may come. I can tell you first hand Jesus is worth it. And I believe eternity in Heaven will be way worth it.

What happens next for Ben and I? Only God knows. I’ll be sure to write about it when He gives me the scoop.

Love from Laura.

Not Every "White Christian" Voted Trump

Navarro River, CA

My husband and I did not.

But to my brothers and sisters in Christ who are so elated about this “win”,

Jesus makes hard commands for us to serve one another, love your neighbor as you love yourself, sell your possessions and give to the needy, lose your life to keep it, find treasure where no moth or rust can destroy it. He lead us by kneeling low, and washing his disciples feet, touching the untouchable, and uplifting the poorest of the poor.

I cannot say the same about our new president. I do not see this as a time of rejoicing, and I am unclear on how anyone professing Jesus could. I understand his opponent wasn’t far behind, please don't misunderstand. But please do consider your words and actions during this time. Consider those of different ethnic diversity and backgrounds than yourself. Those who were born into poverty with an extreme lack of resources. Those less fortunate than you simply because of your skin color and family line. Those in this country on Visa in the midst of their med programs trying to better their own third world countries back home. Those escaping war and terrorism, fighting to survive. Please consider women, like myself, who have been sexually molested or harassed, and now have a president that does the same as their offender.

Please consider the character of Jesus, and how you are treating and viewing others. Is it greater than yourselves? What if you were in their shoes right now? There is a new sense of fear for so many.

Phil 2: 1-8, “Christ's Example of Humility: So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.”

I shed a few tears today. The state of the America’s heart completely breaks mine.

We have the largest inequality gap out of all developed countries. We are the only ones who do not provide health care and a successful education system to all of our people. We are the only ones who do not provide adequate maternal/paternal leave when babies are born or adopted. We define “poverty” as the amount of food you need times three. And by food I mean ramen noodles, easy mac, and pop tarts-- times THREE. That should cover housing, health care, toiletries, travel, everything you could possibly need, right? Wrong, so very wrong.

So, if you would, please join me in praying the prayer that Jesus taught us:

“Our Father

Who is in Heaven

Hallowed be Your Name

Your kingdom come

Your will be done

On Earth as it is in Heaven”

Please pray for humility and wisdom over our new President, and do not let him steal your joy.


Make a difference in those surrounding you, fight for what is right, be kind to one another, look to Jesus, and those on the verge of fleeing the U.S., don't go-- we need you.

Lord have mercy on this nation. 

Love (always love, never hate) from Laura.

Social Media Fast: Here's what I found

I found peace. I found more time with Jesus, and I found more of His character and friendship that I long for. Literally there’s a spiritual center in our brains, and when activated there’s some good stuff all around for our overall well-being.

I found more of my own selfish and destructive character as well. This past month my eyes have been so open to how much of ME I promote. Pretty much every Tuesday and Thursday making the drive to College Park, I listened to either a Francis Chan or Matt Chandler sermon. It felt like my mouth was so dry and hearing God’s word or the truth about this short, short life was like the best glass of cold water I could ask for, really like chugging a gallon of it.

Francis brought up how westernized it is to make a page all about me. Here’s my accomplishments, what I’m studying, who I’m in a relationship with, what I did over the weekend, my photography skills, and how great I am all in one super awesome page. How many likes and followers I get is just a cherry on top! I found that even when I want to give all glory to Jesus, I still want the recognition that Laura gives all glory to Jesus. Bleh, how selfish this flesh of mine is.

This month convicted me, but was so darn refreshing. I thought I was going to use this time to write/ blog more about all these ideas I wanted to talk about and share my opinion on. Promote me. But, don’t worry, I’d point it back to Jesus and how amazing He is!

God told me to stop. Stop posting, stop snapping, stop scrolling for goodness sake. Read with me, talk to me, soak with me. So, that’s what I did. And the freedom I felt in that was so light, and such a burden lifted. He showed me how much I compare with others and what I can so easily find my value in, rather than finding myself in Him—the one who knitted me together and knows every strand of hair on my head. The one who loves me so much that He sent His perfect son Jesus to die on my behalf—to take the bullet for me, jump in front of the moving car for me when I was the one who should have taken the hit.

This life here on Earth is going to go by so fast ya’ll. A blink of an eye and then what? What if it’s tomorrow? How certain are you of where you will be? How satisfied are you of what you’ve accomplished? How many hours of your last day did you spend scrolling and wasting your time, or stressing over silly things? What story will your life tell? How will people remember you?

Jesus drives me to stop for the one. One difference in one life can make a difference in a multitude of lives, or maybe not, maybe just that one, but its one more than before. I encourage you to use your time wisely, seek the God who loves you so so so much, and pursue the dreams He lays on your heart.

I don’t know where this conviction will lead me exactly. I still want to write, and I still want to immerse Jesus in this lovely culture, so I know I can’t hide in a corner and keep to myself everything the Lord gives. I’d honestly like to give it back. Love God, love others—the greatest commandments. What a terrible thing, right? I kid, I kid. We’ll see what happens.

So, yes, sure, I’m {rejoicing in simplicity} but really I’m rejoicing in the fact that the God of this universe loves me, and I get to call Him friend and Dad. You do too, if only you’d believe. Faith is POWERFUL. It changed my dark atheist world right around.

Love from Laura.

53 Days of Marriage

My first post. Why start at 53 days? Because I like to be different. No, actually this is just the first day I’ve had time to write. And it's the last day of summer '16! There’s an 18-month-old little bean sitting next to me (whom I nanny) in her small plaid chair reading a princess book upside down as well—we just began having quiet time together that’ll last maybe 30 more seconds.

To begin, let me just say that I have loved being married 53 days, and I didn’t know I would love it this much.

Jump back now 53 days before marriage and I was an anxiety-driven mess dreading wedding planning/ being the bride and not being able to hide in the corner, wondering how life is going to change, what my new struggles will be, what my alone time will look like, how my friendships will change, and how on Earth am I going to be a wife?! The list went on adding up to the fact that I wasn’t trusting God is good and that He is for me. This I found is the root of all of my anxiety—again, not trusting that GOD IS GOOD and HE IS FOR ME.

There were some bumps along the way, but I would not change a single thing about my wedding day. I thought eloping was the best option—I was wrong. That’s a whole other post in itself.

Ben & I went to Northern California for 2 weeks right after we got married and it was incredible. I actually get emotional thinking about it because I wish we were back in our little cabin, sitting by the fire, doing a puzzle, and dipping Oreos in coffee. I was a little worried about spending 2 straight weeks with my new husband who I had never spent that much time with before. I am a strong introvert and could spend 2 weeks by myself perfectly satisfied. And by "by myself" I mean with a few books surrounded by nature. BUT there was not a single moment that I wished I could just be left alone. Ben is truly my best friend and I was so excited to wake up everyday and adventure with him. I believe we have a lot to owe to our long distance relationship of Face Timing for hours and not having any physical touch. But that’s also a whole other post.

Coming home from Cali was a little tough to transition back into real life, but we got the hang of it. Ben went back to work and I went back to class, but this time being married! Being a student wife is a lot better than I thought as well. I procrastinate a lot less often because I want to spend time with Ben when he gets home. I think I pretty much prepared myself for every worst possible situation, yet none of them have even came close to being true. That’s pretty typical in my world.

Tuesday night is date night, which I love because I get home at 6 and don’t want to do anything but chill. Last night Ben brought home flowers, we ate delicious homemade chili (recipe here) and cornbread (recipe here), had a glass of red wine, talked about consumer issues in American (short film here), and watched Prison Break. I have a love hate relationship with PB…it’s too tense, but I want to know what’s going to happen next. Our date nights also usually end up at Cava—we’re about that high-class life obviously.

Wednesday Ben plays basketball with some guys at our church, and I have a night to myself. Thursday we have small group with an awesome group of young married couples—3 are prego, which is super exciting. (No, Ben and I don’t plan on any kids for a few years). And the rest of our days are spontaneous.

The two biggest changes most likely came from me: going from eating meat every meal to attempting to become vegan because it breaks my heart how we're treating this beautiful planet, and changing my major from elementary education to family science. All good things. I could write 5 pages, but I wont.

Thanks for caring up to this point. If I could have you take anything out of this life update it is that God truly is good and He truly is for you. He is worthy of your trust my friend. And if you are ever doubting that, then just communicate with Him. Tell Him you don’t trust Him and admit you need help. His grace is abundant and I promise He hears you. There’s a whole book on it.

Until the next random day.

Love from Laura.